“You are waiting for your Isaac, not Ishmael.”
When the Lord came to Abraham and told him that he and his wife Sarah would soon have a baby, Sarah laughed. Then she got to business! In what I can only surmise was her anxiety and fear, she worked out a plan to make that happen. Poor Hagar and Ishmael. The intervention of one anxious woman and her compliant husband caused some serious chaos and heartbreak.
“You are waiting for your Isaac, not Ishmael,” my dear friend encouraged me.
This process is a roller coaster. That is all I can say. One minute you are up on top scanning the view and taking in the excitement and the next moment your heart has plummeted so fast that you scream to get off the ride. But, no, we are not getting off the ride. Our baby is out there and we are going to find him or her.
Last month Ian and I were presented with an “adoption situation”. Because this “situation” involved a very hurting expectant mother who obviously struggled deeply in her own life, we were challenged to explore an area that was foreign to us. We sent the expectant mom’s medical records off to four different physicians to seek opinions on the risk factors. We were seeking recommendations as to whether to go forward. You see, this precious woman was hurting and still is hurting deeply. In an effort to numb her pain, she has made some life-style choices before and during the pregnancy that could potentially put this baby at risk long-term.
When you begin to contemplate adoption, you think of finding that perfect baby to fill your home with coos and giggles and late-night feeding and crying sessions. You don’t think about cocaine, fetal-alcohol syndrome, disease, etc. You are searching for your baby.
After researching the significant range of risk factors for this hurting expectant mom and her precious baby, Ian and I felt led to move forward and have our family profile book shown to her. We prayed diligently and asked trusted prayer warriors to pray for the Lord to clearly slam the door if this was not His choice for our family. A week after our book was shown to her, we got the call… she had chosen a family local to her home state for the honor of raising her son as its own. She wanted to keep the baby in Florida where her other two children lived. I understood, but naturally my heart sank just a bit after receiving that phone call.
We had spent the prior two weeks researching various substance abuse and health issues and their effects on pregnancy and the developing baby. We listened to doctors and educated ourselves. We PRAYED and asked for the Lord to provide wisdom and protection. He DID provide His protection as His faithfulness is never-ending. However, the disappointment still stung deeply. “I have lost 7 babies and now this?!” I stomped by foot and whined and complained for a good 4 or 5 days… I let it out to Him and in His mercy He took my hope and reignited it. He knows where our baby is and He will lead us to him or her.
“You are waiting for your Isaac, not Ishmael.” I thank the Lord for His intervention as my dear friend walked directly across my path as I received the news in that church parking lot. “You are waiting for your Isaac, not Ishmael.” Her words still echo through my mind and heart two weeks after that disappointing phone call. I will never forget them.
We are still waiting for our Isaac (or Isaacina as I like to joke). We are so eager to see who the Lord brings to our family… maybe a boy? Maybe a girl? Dark skin? Light skin? Somewhere in between? We don’t know the plan, but we do know and trust He who holds the plan in His hands. We do know He is good and faithful and loves deeper than we can even imagine.
As we get closer and closer to the anniversary of that crushing day when we delivered our precious Ryan Adeline into heaven, we are still praying. As I listen to our sweet 7 year-old little girl say with eager expectation and excitement, “Mommy, the greatest thing about adoption is that the baby won’t die!” and “Mommy! Daddy! When we get the baby we will now have four children!” (She always includes Ryan in that number and of course she has no idea about the 6 other little lives rejoicing in heaven).
I am a completely different person than I was a year ago. I am grateful for the grief… it has brought me so much joy in the Lord and joy in my amazing husband and my two precious girls. Our hearts are so much bigger now and cannot wait to find our newest family member.
We are searching for you, Little One! He will lead us to you, Sweet Baby! We will find you because He knows exactly where you are.
Please continue to travel with us on this journey. Please pray. We have reached over $15,000 of our $30,000 goal. Thank you so much! Please pray for financial provision and if you feel led, please invest financially in our family’s journey to find our little one. Please share our story and our blog link to anyone who may care to know more. Every amount helps us… every prayer and word of encouragement is so appreciated. Thank you for your gracious consideration. Thank you for your support. We are humbled.
This is the day that the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it!
–Psalm 118:24
Our Adoption Journey 